The fortitude of being a girl
by McLance
Summary: This is a two or three chapter story, set around a month after Hannah married Adam, and joined the family. Harlie is eleven, and beginning the process of growing up, and pondering what place Hannah is going to have in her life.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a couple-chapters story, of the McFaddens, set just a month after Hannah joined the family. Harlie is 11. This just_

 _came to me, and I hope the fans of the McFaddens enjoy it. It's just a peek into the past. Let me hear from you!_

That morning THE MORNING, when IT happened, began at the breakfast table. I didn't feel much like talking.

It still felt a little strange to me to look to my left and see Hannah

sitting there. It had been nearly a month already, since she and Adam had gotten married, and she'd come to live with us.

And, I just wasn't used to it yet. There were times, many actually, that I'd found I didn't mind at all that Hannah was

around. Liked it just fine, in fact.

Still, it felt different sometimes. Hannah had pretty much integrated herself into our family unit. Evan used the words

"bull-dozed" in. I didn't really think that, exactly. She was subtle about things, mostly, and she didn't change anything in

a glaringly huge way.

The changes were quieter, and some of them were very welcomed. By me, and by my brothers. The laundry didn't pile

up so much. It was done every day, instead of once or twice a week. And, the meals were different, too.

We'd always eaten just fine. Brian, in particular, was a good cook, as well as Crane. Now, though, with Hannah there to

cook at least a portion of the meals, our menus were more varied. And she baked as well, so there was nearly always

some sort of home-baked goods in the house. Cookies. Cake. Or even pies. A fact which thrilled all the boys.

And, me. I liked finding a plate of oatmeal-raisin, or chocolate chip cookies on the table when Guthrie and Ford and Evan and I

got home from school. I liked having my clothes washed and dried, and folded in neat piles on my bed.

And, though I'd seen Hannah's display of temper a time or two, mostly at Adam, or at Brian, she was nearly always

in a good mood. She was outgoing, funny, warm. She was all of those things. She'd told me that if I ever wanted to talk to

her about anything, that it would be alright.

And, I had talked to her. About an upcoming test at school, and that I was worried a bit about it. About a new girl

that had joined our classroom. Things like that. Nothing too personal.

A week or so before, Guthrie and I had gone down to the creek to fish and play around in the water.

We'd been there only a little while when Adam came, walking thru the tall grass.

By this time, Guthrie and I had abandoned our fishing poles, and were standing, knee deep in the water, splashing each

other.

"Hi, Adam!" Guthrie called out, as Adam approached.

"Hey, kids," Adam said, and came over to sit down on the creek bank just a few feet from us.

"You comin' in?" Guthrie asked him, with a grin.

"No, I don't think so," Adam said, smiling back. "I was wanting to talk to both of you for a little while."

Guthrie and I exchanged a quick glance. Adam was smiling, so it didn't seem as if he was planning to scold

for anything.

We waded over closer, and sat down on the grass beside Adam. I tucked my legs up, criss-cross.

"What's up?" Guthrie asked him.

"I wanted to talk to both of you, about Hannah," Adam said.

Guthrie and I exchanged another quick look. I began to get a funny feeling in my stomach, like I always do when

I get nervous about something.

"Somethin' wrong?" Guthrie asked now, and I noticed that he was popping his knuckles. The sure-fire sign that he

was having some nerves, as well.

"No. Not at all." Adam looked as though he was thinking for a moment or so, and then he said, "I just wondered how

you two were feelin' now, about havin' Hannah around. It's been a couple of weeks now, and I just thought we should

touch base on everything."

"Do you mean, do we like her?" I asked.

"Well, yeah. That's part of it," Adam said.

"I like her," Guthrie said. "She's a good cook."

"She is," Adam agreed. "But, that's not exactly what I meant. How does it feel, havin' her here?"

"I like havin' her around," Guthrie said. "She's not real bossy, or anything."

"How about you, sugar plum?" Adam asked, turning to me. "How do you feel?"

"She's nice," I said. I had the feeling that Adam was waiting for me to say something else. Something more.

"Well, she thinks a whole lot of you kids. All of you," Adam said.

"That's good," I said. And then we waited, for him to say something else.

"I should have talked to all of you, before Hannah and I got married," Adam said. "It happened sort of quick, though, and-" His voice

sort of halted then. He smiled at Guthrie and I again.

"I wanted to make sure that you were both feelin' alright about things," he said. "See if there was anything you were

worried about, or anything that you wanted to talk about."

"You mean anything about Hannah?" Guthrie asked.

"Yeah."

"I don't have anything," Guthrie said, shrugging his shoulders. I wished I was more like Guthrie. He was so-well, so uncomplicated. He'd

taken to Hannah right off.

"Harlie?" Adam asked, looking at me.

I thought maybe I should take the opportunity, while I had the chance.

"Well, is she in charge?" I asked, and at Adam's quizzical look, I went on. "I mean, of Guthrie and me?"

"Well, yeah, she is. What are you talkin' about, specifically?" he asked.

"What if you or Brian or Crane aren't around, and Guthrie or I want to do something? Do we ask Hannah, or do we

wait for one of you guys?" I asked.

I could see Guthrie nod a bit, and pay attention. He must have thought my question a good one.

"I guess that would depend on what it is that you want to do," Adam said.

"What if it's something that you let us do, but she says we can't do it?" I asked.

"I think, again, that would depend on what it is," Adam said. "Obviously, though, I want you both to listen to

Hannah. If she tells you no about something, then I want you to mind her."

"What if we've done it lots of times before, though?" I persisted.

Adam rubbed his forehead for a couple of moments, and I had the feeling that he was sorry he'd begun this

whole conversation.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like ride the four-wheeler," I said, plucking the first thing that came to my mind.

Adam raised his eyebrows a little. "Is that something you're allowed to do alone, Harlie?"

"No," I admitted.

"Well, then, what sort of an example is that?" he asked.

"What about riding it with Daniel or Ford?" I pressed on. "You let us do that. What if Hannah was to say she didn't want

us to?"

"I don't think she'd do that," he said. "Hannah's not goin' to start trying to overthrow things. The things that have been

common to do. If she has a problem with somethin' that's happening, then she and I will talk about it to Brian and Crane, and

we'll let you know if anything needs to change."

"Why would it, though?" I asked. "Need to change, I mean? Why would we change things just because she wanted us to?"

I felt Guthrie give me a poke in the middle of my back. To shut me up, I knew.

I realized that I'd sounded sort of contrary a moment before.

"I'm just asking," I defended, before Adam had a chance to get onto me.

"It's a fair question," he said, and I felt relieved. "The reason is, this is Hannah's home now. It's just as much her home as it

is any of the rest of us. She's tryin' to fit in, to find her way without steppin' all over everybody's toes. She has a lot to offer

this family. Our lives are gonna be better with her here. Everybody's. Not just mine." He paused, as though thinking again.

"We want to make her feel welcomed. Accepted. Like I said before, she's not wanting to change anything in a major way

around here. But, if it's something that she feels strongly about, then we need to consider her feelings."

He regarded both Guthrie and I seriously for a couple of moments, and then said, "Think of some examples of stuff that

might come up, that you two might want to do, and the three of us will sit down with Hannah and talk it over with her.

So there wouldn't be any misunderstandings come up, about what you're allowed to do or not do. Fair enough?"

"Yeah," Guthrie said, and I nodded in agreement.

"Great," Adam said. He smiled at us again, and I thought he looked relieved to have the conversation over.

He stood up, then, and said, "Don't be too much longer. Supper will be ready soon."

We said okay, and then Adam left. I sat where I was, though, leaning back and watching him as he got smaller

and smaller in the distance.

7

Anyway, back to this particular morning. It had been a couple of weeks since Adam had had that talk with Guthrie and I

on the creek bank. And, he'd kept his promise, too, about the four of us having a talk. We went over things that we'd always

been allowed to do, or things that we'd never been allowed to do at all. Hannah didn't say a whole lot. She just mostly listened,

and then said that since she hadn't grown up on a ranch, it was going to take some time to get used to things. She was

nice, though, and told Guthrie and I that she would try to not overreact about things. Then she smiled and asked us to

be patient with her if she did sometimes overreact. And that's another time that she said we could come to her and talk to her

about anything at all. Anytime we wanted to.

So, on this particular morning, it was pretty much like any other day. Breakfast was loud and rowdy. Evan was in his senior year

at school now, and Ford was a freshman. Guthrie was in sixth grade, and I was in fifth. Guthrie and I usually crowded into Evan's truck

and he would drop us off at our school, before driving himself and Ford on to the high school. Unless one of us took too long, or something,

in which case he would threaten to leave us, and we'd have to ride the bus. He'd actually do it, too.

So, breakfast was being eaten, and conversations were going on all around the table. I didn't feel any different than I usually did.

Hannah asked me if I was ready for my spelling test that day and I said I was. I'd told her I didn't want school lunch that

day, so she'd packed me a lunch.

Squeezed in Evan's truck, riding to school, I felt squashed as always, between Evan and Guthrie, and then Ford by the other door.

Sometimes, if Evan was in a good mood, he would tell me when to shift the gear. I'd gotten pretty good at it.

Today, though, I couldn't get it to third when he told me to. The gears made a grinding noise, and he pushed my hand

off the knob.

"I'll do it," he said. "You're gonna strip out my gears."

And, just like that, I felt like crying. Which wasn't like me at all. It wasn't as though he'd even said it in a mean way

or anything.

"I don't wanna do it, anyway," I said, and tried to scoot over closer to Guthrie in order to get away from Evan, and crossing my arms.

A move which Guthrie immediately objected to. He was still eating the biscuits he'd brought along from the breakfast table,

and he protested, "Har, stop shovin'. I don't have enough room now."

"I want to switch places with you," I said.

"Nobody's going to switch places while we're driving," Ford said, overruling my plan.

I kept my arms crossed and felt sullen the rest of the drive, and when Ford got out to let me and Guthrie clamber out of

the truck, I still felt grouchy.

Ford told me goodbye, and I just made a noise at him, trekking into the school building, in search of my best friend, Lori.

7

It was mid-morning, just before the spelling test, when Mrs. Schasteen, my teacher, dismissed the girls to go

for the rest room break.

I wasn't prepared for what I discovered, once in the bathroom stall. Well, I mean, I wasn't shocked or anything like that.

But, it was a surprise. I'd started my period. As in, my very first period ever! It wasn't much. Just a little blood stain on

my underwear. But, it was definitely my period.

I sat there for a few minutes, thinking. Wondering what I should do.

Lori spoke thru the stall door to me. "Harlie, come on," she said.

"You go. I'll be there in a minute," I said.

"Are you okay?" Lori whispered.

I thought about telling Lori, but I didn't know who else was in the bathroom that might overhear.

"I'm okay. You go on back to class," I told her.

I folded bathroom tissue, and lined my underwear with that. I didn't know what else to do right then. When I came out

of the bathroom stall, it seemed that all of the other girls in my class had gone. There were two sixth grade girls there,

applying makeup in front of the mirror.

I knew the girls, but never really talked to them too much. One was named Karen. Karen something. And then there was

Lou Ann Driskell. She was really pretty, and popular, too.

"Hi, Harlie," she greeted me, as I went over to wash my hands at the sink.

"Hi."

"I'll see you later," the other girl said to Lou Ann.

"Bye, Karen."

When the other girl had gone, Lou Ann kept putting on her lip gloss, and then began on her eye makeup.

I was drying my hands with a paper towel when she said, "You okay?" to me.

It surprised me. "Um, yeah," I said.

"Are you sure? Your friend seemed worried about you. Lori's her name, right?" she asked.

"Yeah. Lori."

She smiled at me, and went on putting on her eyeshadow. I cast a glance over at the Kotex dispenser on the opposite wall.

I decided to take a chance.

"Do you have a quarter with you?" I asked her.

"I think so. Sure," she said. She saw where I was looking, and said, "Oh. You need something?"

"Um, yeah," I said. I had no intention to tell her it was my first time needing something from the Kotex dispenser. "I don't have a

quarter with me-" I said.

"No problem." She rooted thru her purse, and brought out a quarter, handing it to me. "Here you go."

"Thanks a lot," I said. "I'll give it back to you after school-"

"No worries." She gave herself a last look in the mirror and then picked up her purse. "See you around."

"Bye," I said.

Left alone, finally, in the bathroom, I went over and deposited the quarter, and when the square package

slid out, I took care of business, and then went back to class.

Mrs. Schasteen gave me a questioning look, but asked nothing about what had taken me so long.

7

After school, Guthrie and I were waiting, and had been waiting for over fifteen minutes before Evan and Ford

finally arrived, driving up, tires squealing.

"Where have you been?" Guthrie complained. "I'm starving. I want to get home and see what Hannah baked today."

"Just get in, and stop complainin'," Evan told him.

I took my customary place, squeezed yet again between Evan and Guthrie. I was quiet all the way home. So quiet that

even Evan noticed. "What's the matter with you?" he demanded.

"Nothing's wrong with me," I said, stoutly. "What's wrong with you?"

"I've never heard you go this long without talkin'," Evan went on, laughing as though he was really humorous.

I would have fired back a snappy comeback, but I couldn't think of anything at that particular moment. I always like

to save my really good zingers for Evan.

After that, he left me alone, and I spent the rest of the drive home thinking. I didn't have anything at home. Supplies for

my period, I meant. Hannah might have something. I didn't know. I didn't feel like telling anybody, though. I knew all the common

sense stuff, about how this was a perfectly normal thing to happen, and all of that. But, that didn't mean I wanted the

whole house of male McFaddens, or even Hannah, knowing that I'd started my period.

Once we arrived home, I'd decided what I was going to do. And, also, just which member of the family I was going to

talk to about this recent development.

7


	2. Covering bases

I scrambled out of the truck as soon as Evan got out, and went into the house and up to my bedroom, without

stopping in the kitchen like I usually did.

I changed out of my school clothes, and then I went back downstairs the back way, intent on slipping outside without

being seen. It was a good plan, too. Just not a successful one.

I had my hand on the back door, ready to escape outside, when Hannah said, "Hey, there!"

I paused to look at her, not moving my hand from the screen door. "Hi."

"How was your day at school?" she asked, with a big smile.

"It was okay."

"I made cookies," Hannah said, gesturing to the kitchen counter, where a plate of gooey-looking chocolate chip

cookies was at.

"They look good," I said.

"Come and have some. You want some milk, too?" Hannah went to the refrigerator, as if to retrieve the milk.

"No, thanks," I said. "Maybe later."

"Oh," Hannah said, pausing with her hand on the refrigerator door handle. "Well, okay."

"See you later," I said, and left quickly.

I went to do my chores, but I was keeping a good eye out. Waiting for the return of who it was that I needed

to talk to. When I saw the Jeep roaring up from one direction, and the four-wheeler from the other, I left the bucket of

feed for the goats right where it was at, and went running.

Brian greeted me by trapping my head in the crook of his elbow. "Hey, kiddo," he said.

"Hi."

"How was school?" Crane asked. He's the one who always, always asks that. He's real big on the whole school thing, and rides

all of us hard about making good grades. His favorite thing to say about it is that everybody has a job, and that ours is to do

well at school.

"Okay."

"How'd you do on that spelling test?" he asked me.

"I don't know. She didn't give them back yet."

Adam was pulling off his leather gloves, and shoving them into his back pocket. He said hi to me, too, but then he went

on talking to Brian about a certain cow. I waited until they'd all walked a bit away, and then I turned to Daniel.

"I need to talk to you," I told him.

We began walking along together, and Daniel draped an arm over my shoulder. "What's up?" he asked.

"What are you doing tonight? After supper?" I asked.

"I've got band practice. At Josh's house. Why?"

We were coming too close to where Adam and Brian had stopped to talk, and so I pulled Daniel's wrist off my shoulder,

and then kept hold of his hand, to make him stop walking.

"Can I come with you?" I asked, then.

Daniel sometimes will let me tag along with him when he has practice with the other guys he plays in the band with. Depending

on where they're practicing at, and stuff like that.

"Tonight's a school night for ya," he reminded me. A fact of which I did not need reminding.

"I could still come," I said.

"I'm probably gonna be pretty late tonight, though."

"Oh," I said, feeling discouraged. There was no way that Adam would let me go along. Not if Daniel thought it was

going to be a late night.

"You can come the next time," Daniel said, trying to console me. "Maybe Friday night. How about that?"

"No," I said, flatly.

"I'll even take you for pizza first," Daniel said, ignoring my negative response. "That's a heck of a deal right there."

"Friday night won't work," I said, feeling as though I was going to start crying. Of all the ridiculous things! "It has to be tonight!"

Adam and Brian were still too close by for my liking right then. They might overhear. Or see that I was upset. I turned, deliberately,

so that my back was to their direction, and they wouldn't be able to see my face. If they were paying attention, that is.

As soon as I'd said that, and Daniel could tell I was emotional, he changed his demeanor. He stopped being so casual,

and I knew he was zeroing in, to know that something was truly up with me, and that I wasn't just pitching a fit because I

wanted to go along with him to band practice.

He gave me a look-over for a couple of moments, and then said, quietly, "You need to go for a walk with me?"

I was trying not to cry. I really was. I nodded, and said, "Yeah."

"Okay. Come on," he said.

We started walking towards the barn, then. Halfway across the yard, Brian hollered and asked Daniel where he

was going. And then hollered out a reminder about putting some tools away.

Daniel hollered back that he'd put the tools away, and we kept walking. Nearly at the barn, Daniel said,

"Is this a private talk?"

"Real private," I said.

"Well, let's go in the feed shed then, instead of the barn," he suggested. "Less chance of somebody walkin' in on us."

Once inside the feed shed, Daniel left the door ajar, just enough to let some air and sunshine in. Without saying anything,

he cupped his hands so I could use them as a step up, to sit on the stack of feed. He stayed standing, and patted

my knee a little.

"What's goin' on, squirt?" he asked me.

"I need you to take me to town. That's why I wanna go with you tonight."

He was watching me, looking really serious, and I rushed on talking. "It has to be tonight," I insisted. "I need to go to the store."

"Okay. Why is it so important that you go to the store tonight?" he asked.

"You have to promise. You have to swear you won't say anything to anybody else," I told him.

"I promise," he said, solemnly.

I bit at my lip, studying his face. "I need to go to the store, because I need to buy-" I hesitated. "Some stuff for

my period."

"Ah," Daniel said, in sudden understanding. "Today was the day, huh?"

"Yeah," I said, a little glumly.

"It happen while you were at school?" he asked.

"Yeah. Right before the spelling test."

I was regarding him with a sort of a bemused look, I guess, because Daniel smiled. Just a little smile. Not a big grin or

anything like that. "It's cool, kiddo. It means you're growin' up."

"I know all that," I said. "It's just-I wasn't prepared, or anything. A sixth grader loaned me a quarter so I could get something

out of the machine in the bathroom-" I paused in my rambling, wondering if Daniel would be embarrassed by me giving so

much information.

"Is this embarrassing to you?" I asked him.

Daniel smiled a little again. "No, squirt. I'm not embarrassed."

"Okay. Good," I said. "So, will you take me to the store?"

"Yeah. I'll take you," he said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay. When?" I asked. "After supper?"

"Yeah, we'll go after supper."

I bit at my lower lip again. "Everybody's gonna wonder where we're going, though, and then if you bring me home, and leave

again for band practice, they'll really know something is up."

"I'll think of some way to explain it," Daniel said. "Don't worry."

"Okay," I said, and felt as though a weight was off my shoulders. Daniel was going to help me. Everything was going to work

out.

7

I was helping to set the table for supper, when everybody began streaming into the kitchen, making lots of noise,

and washing up at the kitchen sink.

Hannah had made sloppy joes and French fries for supper, and then chopped up a bunch of fruit for a fruit salad.

Neither I, nor Daniel, were on dishwashing duty that evening. Guthrie and Evan had landed that chore, and they were both

not pleased about it.

Daniel told me, in a low tone, that we would leave within the next thirty minutes or so. I ran up to my bedroom, and

got what little bit of money that I had, tucked away in my top dresser drawer.

When I came back downstairs, Daniel was waiting at the front door for me, his guitar case in hand.

Adam and Hannah, Brian and Crane were sitting around the living room and talking. Guthrie was lying on the floor on his back,

tossing a ball up into the air, and then catching it. Over and over. I didn't know where Ford and Evan had gotten to.

I waited for Daniel to tell them all that I was going with him. Somewhere. I wasn't sure what scenario he had

concocted.

But, he must have already done it, because all that was said was by Adam.

"You got your homework done?" he asked me.

"Um, yeah," I said. "I only had a little bit of English vocabulary."

"Okay," Adam said. "So, not too late for her, alright, Daniel?"

"Yep. I promise to have her home before her carriage turns back into a pumpkin," Daniel said, jokingly.

"Which means before eight," Adam was saying.

"Yeah, before eight, got it," Daniel said, and propelled me out the front door, his hand in the center of my back, as

goodbyes were being exchanged by everyone.

I called back a general 'goodbye', and we went out. Walking to Daniel's truck, I asked, "How did you convince Adam

to let me go with you on a school night? He thinks I'm going to band practice with you, right?"

"I have my ways," Daniel said, trying to sound mysterious. He winked at me, and opened his truck door.

I slid into the seat from that side, over to the passenger seat side.

We talked about ordinary stuff on the way to town. Nothing too in-depth. A couple of miles from Murphys,

Daniel asked me if I wanted to go to the general store in Murphys to get what I needed.

"I guess so," I said, looking at him, a little confused. "What do you mean?"

"I just wondered if you wanted to go there, or over to Angels Camp. I'm not sayin' you should, or anything. I

thought you might not want to run into anybody you know at the store here."

Such a thought hadn't occurred to me! Well, I'd thought over, briefly, that it might be a little embarrassing to buy

from the store in Murphys, and be checked out by Tim Taylor, who sometimes worked the evening shift after he got

off of football practice. But, I'd just figured I would have to turn every shade of red and just get thru it, with no alternative.

It was so thoughtful on Daniel's part, that I almost felt like crying again.

"Yeah. Angels Camp," I agreed, my voice sounding all muffled. "Thanks."

Daniel could tell, too. He reached over and ruffled my hair with his hand.

"You don't have to cry, squirt. It's no big deal to go over to Angels Camp."

7

Once we were at Angels Camp, we went into the store, there. It's a little small, but they handle a bit of everything. I

found the aisle I needed, and actually found way more than what I was expecting. Rows and rows of different products.

I was standing there, wanting to just grab something and go, but yet, not sure.

"What's wrong?" Daniel asked me, at my elbow.

"There's a lot," I said, vaguely, in explanation.

"Yeah. There sure is," he agreed.

I picked up a box of Tampax. "Some of the other girls use these," I said.

"Tampons?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah."

"Hmm," he said, and I looked up at him. "What?" I asked.

"I don't think you should get those-not for a while," he said. That was all he said, but I knew what he meant.

"Yeah," I said, with a sigh, and put the box back onto the shelf. I finally chose a box of regular pads.

"I'll get these," I said.

"Okay. One box, or two?" he asked. "That way you won't have to worry about gettin' any, for a while."

"Yeah," I agreed. I took down a second box of the same, and we went to check out. Daniel grabbed a bottle of pop out of

the cooler for both of us, and a pack of gum, as well, and we laid all of that, and my stuff, on the counter.

The checker was an older lady, which I glad of. That it wasn't a man, I mean.

Once Daniel had paid for everything, and we were walking out of the store, I tried to hand him my money that

I'd brought along.

"What's that for?" he asked me.

"For my stuff," I said.

"I've got you covered," he said. "No worries."

I smiled at him, and we got into the truck again. We drove back to Murphys, and Daniel asked me if I wanted

a shake from the Dari Kurl.

"Yeah," I said.

Daniel pulled up, and parked, and when the car hop was there, ready to take our order, he asked, "Chocolate, right?"

"Yeah. Chocolate," I said.

Daniel told the girl, (she was in high school, but I wasn't sure of her name) to bring a chocolate shake, and a strawberry shake.

When she'd begun the trek back to the Dari Kurl hut, and we were waiting for our order, Daniel leaned back a little in the seat,

and turned to look at me.

"So?" he said. "Think you're all set for awhile? With stuff you need?"

"Yeah," I said. "Thanks for bringing me, Daniel."

"I don't mind." He looked serious. "I'm glad you talked to me."

"I'm glad you're not the sort of brother that gets embarrassed about this stuff," I said.

"Not embarrassed," he agreed. "It's not a breeze for me, either, though. It means you're growin' up. I'll have to stop

treating you like such a kid."

For a moment, I felt all funny inside. "Don't treat me different, Daniel!"

Daniel's expression changed. He looked regretful. "Aw, squirt," he said, and reached out to give me a tug. "Comere."

I let him pull me over closer, against his side, and he put his arm around my shoulders.

"I didn't mean it that way," he said. "I won't treat you any different."

"Okay," I said, relieved.

Daniel ran his fingers over one of my wayward curls, almost absentmindedly. "You know, there's nothin' wrong in

others knowin' that you started your period."

"You mean the family?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"I guess not. It's just today-I didn't want anybody to make a big deal out of it. And I didn't want anybody to tease

me."

"Who would have teased you?" he asked. "I know Ford wouldn't. Or Guthrie."

"Not them," I said. "Besides, I'm not even sure what Guthrie knows about all this stuff."

"The boys have the same talk as the girls do, when they're in the fifth grade," Daniel said. "Guthrie's not completely in the

dark."

I nodded in agreement, as the girl came back with our shakes. Daniel paid her, and as I was taking my first sips of the

shake, she was flirting with him. Big surprise. I'm used to it. I just rolled my eyes, and kept sipping until she'd gone.

Instead of starting up the motor to go, Daniel just sat, sipping on his own shake.

"I don't think anybody would tease you," he said, returning to our conversation.

I thought of Evan, but then realized that Evan would be so riddled with embarrassment, and awkwardness about it,

that he would avoid the subject altogether.

"I guess. I just didn't want a big deal made," I said.

"Well, it is kind of a big deal," he said, and I gave him a 'you're kidding' sort of a look.

"I'm not sayin' we should shoot off fireworks, or anything," he said, tugging on my hair. "But, it's not a 'nothing' sort

of thing, either."

"I guess."

"Most girls have a mom to talk to at times like this," he said. "Or at least an aunt, or somethin'."

"I have you," I said, stoutly, looking up at him.

"Yeah. You have me," he agreed. "Always."

I smiled at him, and he went on, "I still wish Mom was here for you, though."

I thought of my mother sometimes. Well, I thought of both of my parents at times. They were sort of an enigma to me.

Two figures, not in my memory, but still there, in my mind. Vague. And basically unknown. I always held to the belief that

they'd been wonderful. And that they had loved me. Sometimes, I thought of them more than at other times. But, it wasn't

a huge ache or anything. My brothers had so encompassed my growing up years.

I knew, though, that Daniel had been extremely close to our mother. He'd inherited his love and gift for music from her. That's

what Brian said.

"I'm tryin' to think of what Mom might have said to you," Daniel said. He looked as though he was thinking so I stayed quiet.

"You already know it's a normal thing to growin' up. It's part of becoming a grownup woman. But, it's only one part. It

doesn't mean that the growin' up is all done. It's physical, but there's other things to learning to be the best woman you

can be," he said.

"Like caring for other people, and being a hard worker, right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Like that," he said. "And, other stuff that you'll figure out as you get older."

I took another sip of my shake.

"I'm gonna be late tonight," he said. "Like I told you, earlier. So, what I'm gonna do is, take you home, and then

head back to Josh's for practice. You can tell everybody at home that I decided I was gonna be too late for you to

stay around. That way, nobody will suspect anything."

"Okay," I agreed.

"Let's get you home, then," he said, and I scooted over to my seat.

Daniel started the motor, but instead of backing out immediately, he sat still.

"Don't you think you could talk to Hannah?" he asked me.

I looked over at him, thinking, and nibbling at my lower lip.

"I'm not sayin' that you have to feel like you should," Daniel went on, sounding as though he was measuring his words

carefully. "But, she'd definitely be able to give you more of a woman's viewpoint, and understanding."

I was still silent, just looking at him, and he put the truck in reverse, and began to back out of the Dari Kurl parking lot.

"I'm just sayin', think about it. Okay?" he told me.

"Okay," I agreed.

7


	3. Opening to a confidant

I had the boxes I'd gotten in a paper sack from the store, and, just before I went in, Daniel handed me some other stuff

to take inside. Some sheet music, and a notebook of his that he scribbles songs in.

"That way nobody will notice your sack you're takin' in," Daniel said.

I stood there by the side of the truck, while Daniel loaded me down with the papers and notebook, all on top of my brown

paper sack. When he'd done that, he stood there, studying me, and looking thoughtful.

"I guess I ought to ask," he said. "Do you have any questions? You know-" He let his words trail off and pause there.

For the first time all evening, I felt just a bit embarrassed. Not a whole lot. Just a bit.

I shook my head, looking up at him.

"No. I don't. You explained all that stuff to me last year. Remember?"

"Yeah. I remember," Daniel said. "That wasn't real easy for me."

"I know," I told him. "You did good, though, even if it was hard for you." I shifted everything to one arm, and reached

out to wrap my free arm around his waist. "Thanks for taking me tonight, Daniel. Thanks, a lot."

He gave me a one-armed hug of his own. "Rule #1 in the Older Brother's Handbook. 'What you need, that's my job.'"

Daniel's always quoting these things he makes up, that he says are rules from this imaginary 'older brother's handbook'.

He dropped a kiss on the top of my head. "I gotta get going, or I'll be late," he told me.

"Okay. See you," I told him.

"See ya," he answered, and then, as I was nearly to the porch steps, he called after me, "Remember what I said, about

Hannah."

"I will," I said, and turned at the door to wave at him, as he headed back down the driveway.

7

Once inside the front door, I saw Adam and Hannah sitting next to each other on the couch. Ford was on the other couch,

his head bent over his books and homework. Hannah had been crocheting, and Adam was reading a newspaper. As soon as I came

in, Hannah let the crocheting rest in her lap, and sat up a little straighter.

"Hi, sweetie," she greeted me.

"Hi," I said, closing the door behind me.

"I thought you were staying with Daniel?" she asked then. "Is he finished with practice already?"

"No," I said, clutching my armful of stuff tighter to my chest. "He dropped me off."

Adam lowered his newspaper, and I went on, sensing both his and Hannah's interest.

"Daniel decided he would have to stay longer, and it was going to be too late for me," I said, repeating what Daniel and I had decided I could say in explanation. "So he brought me home, and then headed back to Josh's house."

"Oh," Hannah said.

"Uh huh," I said.

"What do you have there?" Hannah asked then, gesturing to the pile in my arms.

"Some stuff I'm supposed to put in Daniel's room," I said.

"After your shower, come back down," Hannah invited. "We can have some popcorn."

"With extra butter," Ford added, without looking up from his homework.

"Okay," I said. I paused at the bottom of the stairs, and looked back over. Both Hannah and Adam had gone back to what they'd

been doing. Reading and crocheting.

"Hannah?" I said, and she looked up, and over at me.

"Is it alright if I take a bath?" I asked.

Usually, I just take a shower. Our only bathtub is in Adam and Hannah's bedroom, and it's quicker to just jump in and out of

the shower. But, today, I felt like taking a warm bath.

"Well, sure," Hannah said. "You can use some of my bubble bath, if you want to."

"Okay. Thanks," I said, and went on up the stairs. I dropped my sack from the store onto my bed in my bedroom, and

then went down the hall to Daniel and Crane's room. The door was open, and there was no sign of Crane, so I went on in, and

put Daniel's stuff on his side of the room.

Then I went back to my own room, got out my pajamas, and took out one of the pads from my box. I took the box then, and

put it into my top drawer of my dresser.

Once I was in the bathroom, to the right side of Hannah and Adam's bedroom, I ran hot water into the bathtub. I didn't pour

in any of the bubble bath, though. I just ran the water to near the top, and soaked for awhile, before I scrubbed.

I was dried off, and pulling on my pajamas, when I heard a tap on the bedroom door, and then Hannah's voice,

"Harlie? Can I come in?"

I called out a 'yes', and when I stepped out of the bathroom, Hannah was standing beside the bed, folding

a pile of Adam's work clothes. Jeans and shirts, with some socks thrown into the pile.

"You didn't need to rush out," Hannah said. "I was just going to put these clothes away."

"I was finished," I told her.

"How was your soak?" she asked me, with a smile.

"It was nice."

"A hot bubble bath is always nice," she said.

"I didn't use any of the bubble stuff," I told her. "But, yeah, it was nice."

She smiled at me again, and then returned to folding the shirts. I'd planned to head back to my bedroom, but, instead,

I hesitated by the end of the bed, and then I came and sat down, beginning to help fold clothes.

For a few minutes there was quiet, but it didn't feel like an awkward silence or anything.

Hannah asked me a couple of things about school, and then, once the clothes were all folded, Hannah began putting

them away in the dresser.

"There's a lot of laundry around here, huh?" I said.

"That's for sure," she agreed.

I watched as she laid the folded shirts into the second drawer.

"Sometimes, do you get tired of it?" I asked her, suddenly.

I'd surprised myself by my question, and Hannah, too, I saw.

"Tired of the laundry, you mean?" she asked me.

I nodded, and she said, "I don't mind laundry. It makes me feel sort of accomplished, to see it all folded and put away."

"Oh," I said.

Then, with a smile, she said, "I can't say that I don't get tired of all the dishes around here, though. It's an extreme amount

of dishes."

The way she said it struck me as funny, somehow, and I giggled. She laughed, too, then, and I found myself wanting

to ask her things.

"Did you have a lot of boyfriends?" I asked her. "Before Adam, I mean?"

Hannah closed the drawer, and came back over to the bed, sitting down next to me.

"I had a few," she said. "One of them I dated for about a year."

"Were you in love with him?" I asked her, curious. A year seemed a long time to me.

"No. I wasn't. I liked him, but I wasn't in love with him."

"A year is a long time," I said.

"It is," she agreed.

"You didn't go out with Adam very long," I said.

"No. Not very long at all," Hannah said, and there was a smile at the corner of her mouth.

"How did you know?" I asked then. "That you were in love with him?"

A look came onto Hannah's face then. A soft look, and it looked as though her eyes were smiling, too.

"When it hurt me to watch him leaving," she said.

I thought that sounded like poetry.

"Are you glad you're here?" I asked her. "Even though there's so much work?"

"I'm very glad I'm here," she said, and I could tell that she meant it. And, it made me feel good inside. I would have felt

really badly if Hannah had seemed to have regrets about becoming a part of all of us.

"Having all of you younger kids has been something I've really enjoyed, too," Hannah said.

"Really?" I asked, though, again, she seemed very sincere.

"Yes, really," she assured me.

I felt really close to Hannah at that moment.

I decided to take Daniel's advice.

"I started my period today," I said, sort of casually.

Hannah's eyes widened a little. "You did?" she asked. She didn't sound exactly surprised, but she didn't sound blasé, either.

"Uh huh."

"Well, sweetie, that's terrific," Hannah said. And, she actually sounded as though she meant it, too.

I wasn't sure whether I thought it was 'terrific', exactly, but I nodded, and said, "Yeah."

"Do you need some pads?" she asked me. "If so-"

"No," I said quickly. "That's okay. I got some."

She looked puzzled, and I said, "Daniel took me."

"Oh," she said, as realization dawned on her face. "Well, that's good." She reached over and squeezed my hand.

"Do you think it's weird?" I asked. "That I talked to Daniel about it, I mean?"

"No. I don't think it's weird at all," Hannah said. She paused, looking thoughtful. "I actually think it's pretty amazing."

"You do?" I asked.

"Yeah. I do. To be able to talk to your brother, about something so personal? That's not common for most girls, I'm sure."

"Daniel's different than most brothers," I said.

"He's pretty special, alright," Hannah said, in agreement. "So, you have enough supplies, then?"

"Yeah. I have enough."

"Alright. Well, do you have any questions? About anything?" she asked.

"I don't think so. I mean, I understand everything."

"Are you having cramps?" she asked then.

"Cramps?" I asked, puzzled. To me, cramps were something you got in your legs when you walked too far.

"Sometimes, when you're having your period, you get a crampy feeling. Right here," Hannah said, laying her hands on her

lower stomach. "Some girls have them really badly, and others mildly, or not at all."

"Oh," I said, thinking that it sounded really awful. "No, I'm not having those."

"Well, if you do, you can take Tylenol, or some Midol."

"What's Midol?" I asked.

"I'll show you," she said, and got up to go into her bathroom, returning with a small bottle. She handed it to me, and I looked

at it. "Those are only for when you're having your period. They can help with the cramps, and also bloating," she added.

"Bloating?" I asked, and I was, I admit it, a bit horrified. "Like a cow?"

"Not quite like that," Hannah said, smiling. "Anyway, if you need them, I keep them in my medicine cabinet, and you can

come and get some. Only take the amount you're supposed to."

"Okay. Thanks," I said.

We sat there for a couple of moments, not saying anything. I didn't feel uncomfortable, though. It was nice, being here with

Hannah like this. She wasn't making a big deal out of me starting my period, but yet, she was explaining things to me that I

hadn't known. Daniel's tutorage had been good, but maybe he'd left a couple of things out.

"How old were you when you started your period?" I asked her. Curious.

"I was-twelve," Hannah said. "So, just a little older than you." She looked thoughtful. "Nobody had explained things to me

very well, so I was a little scared."

"You were?" I asked.

"It sounds silly now, but at the time, it didn't seem as though it was. Something else, too, that you might want to remember is,

that you may not be very regular at first. Like you may not have a period next month at all, and then have one the month after that. It's

not anything to worry about."

I hadn't known that, either. "I didn't know that," I told her. "I guess Daniel maybe didn't know that part."

Hannah smiled. "I think it sounds as though he did just fine."

I studied her. "Do you have to tell anybody?" I asked her.

She studied me just as seriously, in return. "By anybody, do you mean Adam?"

"Well, Adam," I admitted. "And Brian-"

"I won't tell anybody at all if you don't want me to," Hannah said.

"Thanks," I told her. And I meant it. I tried to explain. "It's not that I don't want them to know, exactly-"

"I think I understand. There's plenty of time for you to decide when you want to tell them."

I nodded, glad that she understood. I thought of something else, then. "I hope it didn't hurt your feelings," I said. "When I didn't

tell you first-"

"No, Harlie. It didn't hurt my feelings," Hannah said, and I could tell she meant it. "I'm just glad that Daniel had explained things to

you, so you were prepared. And," she said, reaching out and laying her hand on my arm. "I'm just glad that you talked to me about

it now. I want to help you any way that I can."

I nibbled at my lower lip. "It's nice. Having you to talk to."

"I hope you feel like you can."

"I'll try to, more often," I said.

"I'd like that," she said, and smiled at me.

When Adam came up later, I was still sitting there with Hannah. We were both cross-legged on the bed, looking at the Sears catalog,

and painting each other's fingernails with a light pink polish.

"Well, hello," he said, coming into the bedroom. "How are my two favorite girls?"

I thought that he looked really happy then. And, I suspected it was, in part, because he'd discovered Hannah and I

in such a situation. Talking, and laughing together.

I scrambled off the bed, and went to give Adam my customary hug goodnight. Then, before I left the room, I paused,

turning back. I walked back over to the bed, as Hannah was gathering up the nail polish and the catalog.

"Hannah," I said, and she looked up.

"Goodnight," I said, and then, I reached out and gave her a hug. She hugged me back, and, in that hug, I felt all the

love and support that Hannah had to give me. At that moment, and in the future.

7


End file.
